I have started this post so many times. And have deleted it every time. I just didn't know how to write what I'm feeling. I really wanted it to come out happy yet sad, not mad and hurt. I have known for over a year that my best friend was moving. I deal with things best by ignoring them. I don't do emotional things, and try really hard to hide it. Not just the sad stuff, but happy stuff too. To me, emotion means no control.I used being pregnant as an excuse for 2 months to just avoid talking about what was going to happen. I felt like crap, but I was also mad that she wouldn't be here when the baby comes. Then the last month she was here, I got jealous. She was spending all her time with everyone else. So in 3 months, we spent 2 days together. Now I am broken hearted and want a do over. My wish list of things we didn't do, gets longer everyday.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to leave friends and family and move so far away. I have lived in a 60 mile radius my whole life. I cried when we moved from the mouse house to this one, a 2 mile difference. We didn't even change wards! For those that know me, I like to change things. I can't clean a room without moving things around. I move the couch and TV in my living room every month. And it bugs me when other people don't. My mother-in-law has never moved anything. She bought a new couch, but A couch has been in the same spot for 40 years. But big change is not something I am comfortable with. Buying a new car, new job, moving, and death fall into the emotional, no control, category. So watching my best friend find new adventure, has been really hard.
This past week, as I drive past her empty house, I realized that I found my true best friend. The one that my Heavenly Father knew I needed. And even though we can't sit in the car and talk for hours at midnight, while the groceries melt, she will never (never) not be here. I know we will both be fine and spend hours talking on the phone, but it's not the same. How many times do you get that lucky to find your best friend from Heaven, next door on earth. She taught me what a REAL friend is. This is one of the hardest lessons Heavenly Father has taught me. But also my favorite. I have learned how to be a good friend.
I could write pages about all the fun we had, but I really wanted Amy to know how I felt. So this for her. I love you, Amy. And miss you. I can't be mad. I wish you the best of luck, even though what I want is for you to come back. We will (someday) both be fine, because we still have each other, 1200+ miles away. (Ask Jake to figure out the miles. I really want to know.)
